How to selflessly and profoundly love wives as Christ so loves the Churches
in helping first wives to joyfully and willingly embrace Christian Polygamy!
The "TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force" deals with some very mature principles of profound, selfless and giving, Christ-like love. As such, for many who have not ever seen or heard of such depths of mature principles, it can be very difficult for such ones to receive.
An example of this kind of difficulty such ones have may usually be found by observing some reactions to this ministry's preaching about the Scriptural doctrine regarding to covenant breaking. This is particularly so when it comes to the matter of men who have covenanted with their wives, wherein they had promised that they would "forsake all others", then such men later seeking to unilaterally break that covenant because these men found out about Christian Polygamy and suddenly then want to have "more wives". (This is also usually made with the dichotomy being expressed by such men in the self-made claim that these men had supposedly "grown more in Christ" even though their wife supposedly had not ---even though the fact that such men would willingly become unilateral covenant breakers would contradict such claims of "growth in Christ".)
Namely, Romans 1:31b,32 and Revelation 21:8 (the latter being with regard to "all liars" being "cast into the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone") make it clear that covenant breaking is a "worthy of death" sin, the known "judgment of God". Because of that, this ministry preaches that a man must keep his covenant to his wife. If a man used the words in his marriage covenant wherewith he pledged that he would "forsake all others", then, because he is called to be a man whose word ever be true (as Christ's Word is ever true and would never unilaterally break covenant with us in the Churches ---Hallelujah!), the man is to surely bind himself to his own word. It is not an issue of his wife binding him, but his own integrity holding himself accountable to his own word. (And he cannot later claim he supposedly had "meant something else" when he said those words, because a man of integrity knows that he knew what the words, "forsake all others", meant as he said those words to his wife in their marriage covenant.)
A man of integrity does not and would not (unrepentantly) commit the Romans 1:31b,32 "worthy of death" sin of covenant breaking.
With that understood, though, NEW covenants may and can certainly be made. But doing so must only be that the parties to the original covenant mutually give their uncoerced, freely-given GENUINE ASSENT (sincere, unpressured agreement) to what would be called a "re-negotiation" of the covenant, to make a NEW covenant.
And that's what the "TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force" preaches. That is, by a man walking and growing in selflessly-giving Christ-like love to his wife, he would that he only help her come to embrace Christian Polygamy of her own free will, loving her and helping her to willingly and joyfully embrace Christian Polygamy by love and not by force. (Hence this ministry's term, "love-not-force".)
But aside from the preaching to not so sin, there is a further, far deeper and more mature matter as to why a man must never be a unilateral covenant breaker with his wife. And this is what tends to not be understood by some with less maturity, or even, of course, the outright carnal and/or ungodly men.
Namely, a man wanting to just be able to FORCE polygamy on his first wife (even if he might potentially express other intents), such a man with less maturity, or even some who are ungodly, mistakenly misperceive what the "TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force" is "all about"; they misperceive why the issue of TRUE covenant breaking doctrine is so vitally important.
Examples of such mistaken misunderstandings can be seen whenever someone might react to this preaching of love-not-force about covenant breaking doctrine, by their declaring such misperceiving statements as follows:
The truth is, love-not-force is about far more mature principles of love, and authority and submissiveness, than about which most people are all that familiar. And that's why such misperceptions can and certainly do occur.
Beyond the importance of preaching with forewarning of the obvious consequences of the "judgment of God" (again, as per Romans 1:31b,32, Revelation 21:8) for those who teach others to self-justify covenant breaking, this ministry preaches the importance of this covenant breaking doctrine in the matters of love-not-force as a means by which a man may powerfully walk IN SUCH AUTHORITY.
To try to help clarify this all for anyone who may still not yet understand.... the following parable might be able to help explain this more fully. (This was originally written and posted on the Friends and Fellowhelpers email listservs, by the Founder of this organization, on April 4, 2001.)
The Parable of the Bricks
There are two men.
The first man picks up a brick in his left hand and holds it. We'll call this "the authority" brick.
He then takes another brick in his right hand and holds it, too. We'll call this "the submitted one" brick.
With each hand holding each brick, he tries to join the two together "as one". He tries to join "the authority" brick on the left with "the submitted one" brick on the right.
Once the two are touching, he tries to force the two together to be joined "as one", trying to push them against each other.
Once he thinks he's done it, he lets go of the right brick, "the submitted one" brick.
Immediately, "the submitted one" brick drops to the ground. It does not stay joined to "the authority" brick.
He tries again, this time, trying to use all his might. Same thing happens. "The submitted one" brick does not remain bonded with "the authority" brick, and it drops again.
He picks up "the submitted one" brick yet again and then starts slamming the two bricks together in trying to force the two bricks to join "as one".
Both of the bricks start to chip. The more he tries to force "the submitted one" brick to join with "the authority" brick, the more they actually start to break apart and crumble on their own.
Being now frustrated, he gives up, blaming "the submitted one" brick, and just leaving the broken bricks in a crumbled heap.
Now, the second man does similarly, picking up a brick in his left-hand, which we also call "the authority" brick, and picking up another brick in his right hand, which we again also will call "the submitted one" brick. He, too, will be trying to join "the submitted one" brick to "the authority" brick to be "as one".
However, this second man does things differently.
Before he picks up "the submitted one" brick, he first tenderly and appropriately applies some mortar to the side of "the authority" brick in his left hand. He makes sure that there is sufficient mortar applied to one entire side of "the authority" brick in his left hand. Once he has done that, he then carefully picks up "the submitted one" brick in his right hand, and gently places it up beside "the authority" brick (using the same side of "the submitted one" brick as that of "the authority" brick's side with the mortar on it) at where the mortar had been spread. He gently squeezes the two together with the mortar being between them.
He knows that he cannot let go of the pair just yet, as the mortar is still soft and needs some time to set. So, he stands there, holding the two bricks joined together with his hands, holding it all there for the necessary time for the mortar to solidify and bond.
After the necessary time passes, the man removes his right-hand, while still holding "the authority" brick in his left-hand.
He rejoices as he sees that "the submitted one" brick is now fully bonded and strongly joined "as one" with "the authority" brick. "The submitted one" brick is now being held up and supported fully and completely by its bond with "the authority" brick, as the man is only holding "the authority" brick in his left hand, and not holding "the submitted one" brick at all.
He has succeeded! The two bricks have become joined "as one"!
That's the end of this parable.
The Parable Explained
Who is the first man?
It is a man trying to apply FORCE. It doesn't work, and he doesn't know why.
Who is the second man?
It is a man applying love-not-force. It does work, and he does know why.
And what is the mortar?
And that's the point of all of this!
The "TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force" is about teaching how to apply the mortar between "the authority" (husband) and "the submitted one" (wife), that of building and securing TRUST as the ever-holding strong bond, as they ever be then joined "as one".
TRUST is the bond, the mortar, between the two.
Without TRUST, there is no bonding between "the authority" and "the submitted one".
So, when preaching the "TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force", it is not that this preaching is supposedly without understanding about authority and submissiveness issues in doctrine. Contrariwise! It is about far more deeply and maturely understanding such issues far more deeply than most have ever understood, indeed!
The reason why covenant breaking doctrine is so important (beyond the issue of sin, of course) is that covenant breaking is that of word-breaking.
And word-breaking destroys and can even remove TRUST between "the authority" and "the submitted one".
Yet, if a man will instead refuse to allow himself to enter into this (Romans 1:31b,32) "worthy of death" sin of covenant breaking, or refuse to allow himself to even advocate the sin of coveant breaking at all, before his wife, if he will instead hold himself out to be a man whose word is always and ever true, then he is building TRUST, whereby the wife can then bond even more strongly to him.
And as that bond in TRUST grows and strengthens together, they can grow together even in Christian Polygamy --- love-not-force works, because it builds and establishes that necessary bond of TRUST!
But if a man will instead keep insisting that he can or may supposedly self-justify himself as being a "covenant breaker" in his wife's eyes (whether he play a word-game manipulation of trying to say that "forsake all others" didn't mean what he meant it when he said it, or any other untrustworthy deceptive kind of tactic like that), then he is only removing that TRUST. He is removing that "mortar". He is making it even that much more difficult, even possibly looking as if being impossible (for some wives if they have been so deeply, deeply hurt), for "the submitted one" to bond with him, to believe that he even has any "authority".
And that's why the more mature ones among us in Christian Polygamy who understand what the true principles of love-not-force are really "all about" already know and understand that this is not about such things as "giving a wife a supposed veto or final authority" which she does not have. Rather, it is understood by the mature ones as being about a man binding himself to his own word, that his own word be ever true, so that thereby (aside from not falling into the Romans 1:31b,32 sin) he be able to start applying the "mortar", building the TRUST, so that his wife would indeed bond to him and remain strong.
Indeed, for once the "mortar" is set, the bond is so strong that it would take a sledgehammer to then even begin to break that bond! Hallelujah!
TRUST is the bond.
And yet, for a man to be willing to be a "covenant breaker", he proves himself to be one who cannot be trusted, proving to his wife that she cannot trust him. Thereby does such a man destroy and remove TRUST between him and his wife, removing the bond, removing the "mortar".
By preaching the TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force, this ministry is preaching a far more mature set of principles than about which most people have learned, all in just trying to help husbands to apply the "mortar", so as to bring strength in the bond of their marriage, even as they would then grow together even in Christian Polygamy.
And that's how, by a man walking in the principles of the "TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force", he keeps his word ever true, his wife sees that his word IS always true, she can then TRUST him, can TRUST that he TRULY is indeed following the example as that of Christ (as per Ephesians 5:25), and they can then grow together in love unto her even willingly and joyfully embracing Christian Polygamy on her own, by love-not-force.
© April 04, 2001, TruthBearer.org
P.O. Box 765, O.O.B., ME 04064
If you want to learn more about the "TRUTH BEARER Vision of love-not-force", then you will want to sign up and join us on the Friends and Fellowhelpers email listservs too.
Parable of the Bricks
Of Strength of Trust (in Marital Intimacy)
Love & Trust / Force & Distrust
That our Word be TRUE